A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is Crying lyrics

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert
That night I strolled on into uncle Limpy’s Hump Palace
Lookin’ for love, it had been a while in fact, three hundred
And sixty five had come and went since that midnight run

Haulin’ hog to shaky town on I'm on now I had picked up
This hitchhiker that was sweatin’ gallons through a pair of
Daisy Duke cut offs and one of those fruit of the loom tank tops
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin
And baby blue eyes name was Russell

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well, I find it’s quite a thrill, when she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

Well, faster than you can say, shallow grave this pretty little thing
Come up to me and starts kneadin’ my balls like hard boiled eggs
In a tube sock, said her name was Bambi and I said
"Well that’s a coincidence darlin’ 'cause I was just thinkin’
About skinnin’ you like a deer" well she smiled

Had about as much teeth as a Jack O Lantern
And I went on to tell her how I would wear her face like a mask
As I do my little kooky dance, and then she told me to shush
I guess she could sense my desperation, 'course, it’s hard to hide
A hard on when you’re dressed like Minnie Pearl

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill, when she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

So, Bambi’s goin’ on about how she can make all my fantasies
Come true so I says even this one I have where Jesus Christ
Is Jack hammering Mickey Mouse in the dodo hole
With a lawn dart as Garth brooks gives birth to something
Resembling a cheddar cheese log with almonds on
Santa Claus’s tummy tum?

Well, ten beers, twenty minutes and thirty dollars later
I’m parkin’ the beef bus in Tuna town if you know what I mean
Got to nail her back at her trailer that rhymes
I have to admit it was even more of a turn on
When I found out she was doin’ me to buy baby formula

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill, when she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch gave the tyranny
A spin and slid on into the stinky pinky gulp an’ guzzle big rig
Snooze a stop there I was browsin’ through the latest issue of throb
When I saw Bambi starin’ at me from the back of a milk carton
Well, my heart just dropped, so I decided to do
What any good Christian would

You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon of
Moo juice and polish the one eyed gopher when your doin’
Seventy five in an eighteen wheeler I never thought missing
Children could be so sexy did I say that out loud?

Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
Well I find it’s quite a thrill, when she grinds me against her will
Yes, a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin’
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