A Lap Dance Is So Much Better When The Stripper Is lyrics

I was lonelier than Kunta Kinte at a Merle Haggard concert that night I strolled
on into Uncle Limpy`s Hump Palace lookin` for love. It had been a while. In fact,
three hundred and sixty-five had come and went since that midnight run haulin` hog
to Shakey Town on I-10. I had picked up this hitchhiker that was sweatin` gallons
through a pair of Daisy Duke cut-offs and one of those Fruit Of The Loom tank-tops.
Well, that night I lost myself to ruby red lips, milky white skin and baby blue eyes.
Name was Russell.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Well, faster than you can say, `shallow grave`, this pretty little thing come
up to me and starts kneadin` my balls like hard-boiled eggs in a tube sock. Said
her name was Bambi and I said, `Well that`s a coincidence darlin`, `cause I was
just thinkin` about skinnin` you like a deer.` Well she smiled, had about as much
teeth as a Jack-O-Lantern, and I went on to tell her how I would wear her face
like a mask as I do my little kooky dance. And then she told me to shush. I guess
she could sense my desperation. `Course, it`s hard to hide a hard-on when you`re
dressed like Minnie Pearl.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

So, Bambi`s goin` on about how she can make all my fantasies come true. So I says,
`Even this one I have where Jesus Christ is jackhammering Mickey Mouse in the
doo-doo hole with a lawn dart as Garth Brooks gives birth to something resembling a
cheddar cheese log with almonds on Santa Claus`s tummy-tum?` Well, ten beers,
twenty minutes and thirty dollars later I`m parkin` the beef bus in tuna town if
you know what I mean. Got to nail her back at her trailer. Heh. That rhymes. I have
to admit it was even more of a turn-on when I found out she was doin` me to buy
baby formula.

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`

Day or so had passed when I popped the clutch, gave the tranny a spin and slid
on into The Stinky Pinky Gulp N` Guzzle Big Rig Snooze-A-Stop. There I was browsin`
through the latest issue of `Throb`, when I saw Bambi starin` at me from the
back of a milk carton. Well, my heart just dropped. So, I decided to do what any
good Christian would. You can not imagine how difficult it is to hold a half gallon
of moo juice and polish the one-eyed gopher when your doin` seventy-five in an
eighteen-wheeler. I never thought missing children could be so sexy.
Did I say that out loud?

Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin`
Well I find it`s quite a thrill
When she grinds me against her will
Yes a lap dance is so much better when the stripper is cryin