A Modern Major General lyrics

A Modern Major General lyrics

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A Modern Major General lyrics

Send "A Modern Major General" Ringtone to your Cell I am the very model of a modern major-general, I`ve information vegetable, animal and mineral, I know the kings of England and I quote the fights historical, From Marathon to Waterloo in order categorical. I`m very well acquainted, too, with matters mathematical, I understand equations, both the simple and quadratical, About binomial theorem, I`m teeming with a lot o` news -- With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse. [Dolichurus on last line] I`m very good at integral and differential calculus, I know the scientific names of beings animalculous, In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern major-general. I know our mythic history, King Arthur`s and Sir Caradoc`s, I answer hard acrostics, I`ve a pretty taste for paradox, I quote in elegiacs all the crimes of Heliogabalus, In conics, I can floor peculiarities parabolous. I can tell undoubted Rafaels from Gerard Dowes and Zoffanys, I know the croaking chorus of the Frogs of Aristophanes, Then I can hum a fugue of which I`ve heard the music`s din afore, And whistle all the airs to that infernal nonsense Pinafore; [Dolichurus on last line] Then I can write a washing-bill in Babylonic cuneiform And tell you every detail of Caractacus` uniform. In short, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern major-general. In fact, when I know what is meant by `mamelon` and `ravelin`, When I can tell at sight a Mauser* rifle from a javelin, When such affairs as sorties and surprises I`m more wary at, And when I know precisely what is meant by `Commissariat` -- When I have learnt what progress has been made in modern gunnery, When I know more of tactics than a novice in a nunnery, In short, when I`ve a smattering of elemental strategy, You`ll say a better major-general has never sat agee. [Dolichurus on last line] For my military knowledge, though I`m plucky and adventury, Has only been brought down to the beginning of the century. But still, in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern major-general. *`Chassepot` may be substituted for `Mauser`. ADDITIONAL VERSES (These three stanzas are often included as encores in modern productions.) I`ve knowledge in all areas artistic and didactical, From the utilitarian to totally impractical; I know the dates of great events both wonderful and sinister, I even know how short a time John Turner was prime minister. I know the laws of motion, theoretic and mechanical, In many ways I am Encyclopaedia-Britannical, With knowledge as gratuitous as . . . how an ancient lute is played, I`m always in demand whenever Trivial Pursuit is played! [Dolichurus on last line] The one thing I don`t understand in anything Shakespearean, Except it`s played in theaters that I get very weary in. But, still in matters vegetable, animal and mineral, I am the very model of a modern major-general. (Credits to JAMES E. F. LANDAU for the following additional verses.) I have acquired prowess at communicating verbally, I know how to personify and blow up with hyperbole, I`ve mastered all devices entertaining and rhetorical, From strict, anaphoristic speech to highly metaphorical; I form ingenious pangrams, I`m a stickler for synecdoche, I understand all accents, matters not how dialecticky, I know our planet`s history, from ammonites and belemnites, To hippies, beatniks, and such current-century-type thelemnites. [Dolichurus on last line] The only thing I just don`t get is dialects Ebonical, Except they get debated in the San Francisco Chronicle, But still in matters vegetable, animal and mineral. I am the very model of a modern major-general Send " A Modern Major General" Ringtone to your Cell A Modern Major General lyrics @ ELyrics | A Modern Major General lyrics @ Kovideo | Lyrics and Video @ MusicBabylon | A Modern Major General lyrics @ Songlyrics | A Modern Major General lyrics @ ELyricsWorld

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