Buy My Snake Oil lyrics

Jello Biafra)

I`m gettin` tired of being
Legendary and broke
And I`m too damn weird
To hold no straight job
My checkbook`s feelin` unfulfilled
Being an old underground die-hard
Won`t pay the kids` dental bills

My dad sez I
Gotta learn to compromise
So I figure now`s about that time
Now that I`ve run out of things to say
That alone will make my music pay

Buy my snakeoil
I used to be so angry
I ain`t gettin` any younger
Now I`m eager to please

C`mon and buy my snake oil
Til my well runs stinking dr7
I`ll be your Rondo Hatton
I`ll be your Dwight Frye
Get mighty jealous watchin`
My old roomates gettin` signed
The world owes me a living
I want my taste of the pie

Woh-oh oh-oh
Buy my snake oil

Meet my new band: Tis, Ass and Money
The most deliberately watered down
Meaningless music
I have ever made
Sing about myself `stead of what`s goin` on
Company tells me how my records should sound
Do what my manager tells me to
Every inch a rockin` dude

Random shuffling, same old cards
Bring on the night, she done me wrong
I love my weenie and I love my car
Man it`s such hell being a star
I`ll tour til you wish I`d go home
Moan about my life on the road
200 overdubs to sound sincere
>From now on every album sleeve`s
Just a great big picture of me

Buy my snake oil
Critics cheer how I`ve matured
Got top management behind me, man
Phone rings like never before

`I grew up on your stuff, man
It means so much to me
I can hear it jinglin` now
In commercials sellin` beer
I got wiggle girl videos
In heavy rotation
If I dye my skin white enoguh
I`ll buy me the elephant man`

Woh-oh oh-oh
Buy my snake oil

And remember
You got what you pay for

And if that doesn`t work
I got another idea
Now that I`ve signed on the bottom line
I`ll call my music `Alternative` (R)
Same word those lovely people used
To hype the Knack in 1980

Join the
College dollar emo-jangle
Spoiled white music for spoiled white people
Pat those slackers on the head
To stroke and profit off their fears
`Yeh, man, it`s OK
Feel sorry for yourself all day
Life sucks `cos it ain`t easy
Happiness should be handed to me...`

Buy my snake oil
Cleansed of vision and sense
I`ll bet your bottom dollar
You`ll let me get away with this

I`ll be your pregnant junkie
Help you sell cigarettes
Or a lonely tortured muscle hunk
That no one understands
Punk without rebellion
We`ll call it Grunge (R) for you
I`ll dress just like Don Henley
And sing just like him too

Boo hoo-oo hoo hoo-oo-hoo
Boo hoo-oo hoo hoo-oo-hoo
Boo hoo-oo hoo hoo-oo-hoo
Boo hoo-oo hoo hoo-oo-hoo

Down by the stream
Where my babe left me
I stand in my flannel shirt
Looking confused
A voice in the buses
Says, `You got that look...
I`m from Geffen Records
How`d ou like a million bucks..?!?`

Oh woh woh poor pitiful me
Born white in the world`s richest country
I can`t have my way, life is so depressing
Nothing`s as important as me
And `my` girl

And if that still doesn`t work
I got another idea

Give in
Ride the punk nostalgia wave
For all it`s worth
Recycle the name of my old band
For a big reunion tour
Sing all those `hits` from the good old days
`Bout how bad the good old days were

And the orthodox
Fudamentalism faction of the crowd
Will say, `Horrary!`
How politically correct
He`s quit trying different ideas at last
Obeying the same kind of stodgy rules
Punk used to rebel against

Buy my snake oil
This is all I`ve got to say
Bought it once, now buy it twice
Repackaged on CD

Yeh, keep on buying my snakeoil
Til my well runs stinking dry
I`ll be your institution
Until the day I die
Who cares if inspiration`s gone
It`s safe in this here stall
I`ll give the fans just what they want
And nothing else at all

Woh-oh oh-oh oh
Buy my snake oil
Woh-oh oh-oh oh
Buy buy buy b-b-b-buy buy
My snake oil

And remember
I did it all for the scene
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