Every Sperm Is Sacred lyrics

[DAD:]
There are Jews in the world.
There are Buddhists.
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then
There are those that follow Mohammed, but
I've never been one of them.

I'm a Roman Catholic,
And have been since before I was born,
And the one thing they say about Catholics is:
They'll take you as soon as you're warm.

You don't have to be a six-footer.
You don't have to have a great brain.
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're
A Catholic the moment Dad came,

Because

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

[CHILDREN: ]
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite irate.

[GIRL:]
Let the heathen spill theirs
On the dusty ground.
God shall make them pay for
Each sperm that can't be found.

[CHILDREN:]
Every sperm is wanted.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood.

[MUM: ]
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon,
Spill theirs just anywhere,
But God loves those who treat their
Semen with more care.

[MEN:]
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
[WOMEN:]
If a sperm is wasted,...
CHILDREN:
...God get quite irate.

[PRIEST: ]
Every sperm is sacred.
BRIDE and GROOM:
Every sperm is good.
[NANNIES: ]
Every sperm is needed...
CARDINALS:
...In your neighbourhood!

[CHILDREN: ]
Every sperm is useful.
Every sperm is fine.
[FUNERAL CORTEGE: ]
God needs everybody's.
[MOURNER #1:]
Mine!
[MOURNER #2: ]
And mine!
[CORPSE:]
And mine!

[NUN: ]
Let the Pagan spill theirs
O'er mountain, hill, and plain.
HOLY STATUES:
God shall strike them down for
Each sperm that's spilt in vain.

[EVERYONE: ]
Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is good.
Every sperm is needed
In your neighborhood.

Every sperm is sacred.
Every sperm is great.
If a sperm is wasted,
God gets quite iraaaaaate!