Happy New Year lyrics

This is my New Year`s resolution:
When my mother-in-law begins to yell and shout
Through the window I would like to throw her out.
But I resolve not to do it, here is why:
I`m afraid of hitting someone passing by.
This is my New Year`s resolution.

When I`m at the movies watching a love seen
And a lady`s hat is blocking half the screen
I resolve not to shout, `Take off that hat!`
I`ll remove it gently with a baseball bat.
This is my New Year`s Resolution.

When I take a lovely lady out to eat
And she orders caviar instead of meat
I resolve to let the lady have her fill.
And of course I`ll also let her pay the bill.
This is my New Year`s Resolution.

When I`m sitting with my wifey on a bus
And a dear old lady stands in front of us
I resolve to be a gentleman discreet.
I`ll politely offer her my wifey`s seat.
This is my New Year`s Resolution.

When my mother says, `Come in, it`s time to eat.`
And I keep on playing games out in the street
I resolve to rush right home now when I`m called
Cause my pop just got a hairbrush and he`s bald.
This is my New Year`s Resolution.

On the radio this year I hope to score
With some funny jokes you`ve never heard before.
I resolve not to tell a corny joke.
Hello, what`s that? The church burned down? Holy smoke!
This is my New Year`s Resolution.

In this coming year I`m going to be discreet.
Have the Slicker`s playing music soft and sweet.
I resolve to treat Tchaikovsky tenderly
And set his second movement with TNT.
This is my New Year`s Resolution.