Cacka Boom lyrics

If you`re cold, well here`s a plan:
Pull the plug out of your fan
If you`re hot, now here`s a scheme:
Park your botty in the stream
If you`re tired, check this plot:
Seek a source that hits the spot
If you`re snooty, here`s a ploy
Stroll along the hoi polloi
You`ll not have owt to show for it
If you don`t go for it
You`ll have to come to terms with it,
Get on the firm with it
If you don`t get to grips with it,
You`ve had your chips with it
You`ll only come to rue it if you don`t do it

If you`re lost, well try this notion:
Find yourself a magic potion
If you`re angry, check this wheeze:
Count to ten and then say, `cheese`
If you`re uptight here`s the answer:
Learn to be a belly-dancer
If you`re concerned, suss a wangle:
Try it from a different angle
Now you can put a name to it,
You must lay claim to it
You`ll have time to regret it,
If you don`t go and get it
You won`t have much to talk about
If you don`t go on walkabout
Don`t think you won`t mind it
If you don`t try and find it

No-one said you must be good as gold
It`s what you haven`t done
That matters when you`re old
No-one said these things are pre-ordained
Nothing ventured...

If you`re guilty, cop a stroke:
You only did it for a joke
If you`re dozy, here`s a tactic:
Tell `em all they`re too didactic
If you`re fed up, here`s a wrinkle:
Let your piano forte tinkle
If you`re wobbling here`s a trick:
Happy go toilet, click, click, click