Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday lyrics

And now the grand old opera theater proudly presents a special holiday edition of the Adventures of the Kung Pao Buckaroos

Well, it`s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you`re easily offended well that`s okay
It`s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

We catch up with our three cowboys one cold December night huddled around a camp fire.

How `bout we sing some holiday songs?
Yeah, hey George, you wanna lead us off?
Yeah, I got one.

Oh Chri-biip-mas tree oh Chri-biip-mas tree how lovely are thy branches...

Why am I getting bleeped again?
Haven`t you heard guys? You can`t say Chri-biip-mas you gotta say Holiday
I can`t say Chri-biip-mas?
No, you might offend somebody.
Who is offended by Chri-biip-mas?
You know you might offend the biiiips and the biiiips and the atheists.
What?
Time to politically correct.

I`ll lead this off.

On the first day of Chri-biip-mas my true love said to me…

Jimmy, are you listening?
What?
You can`t say Chri-biip-mas.
Why not?
If you can say he-biiiip on the last record,
Why can`t I say Chri-biip-mas?
I didn`t make the rules.
Hey listen guys, it`s not that difficult, all you gotta do is change Chri-biip-mas to Holiday.
You know, instead of saying white Chri-biip-mas, you say I`m dreaming of a whi-biiip Holiday.
Why did I get bleeped?
You`ve got to say Caucasian.
So I have to sing, I`m dreaming of a Caucasian holiday?
Sure, that won`t offend anyone.

Well, it`s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say
If you`re easily offended well that`s okay

Why do these people have to feel that way? How come they get offended so easily?

It`s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday

I`m just trying to come up with a song here.
Let`s sing one together, everybody ready? George?
Ready.
Bill you ready?
I`m ready.
Jimmy? Jimmy? Jimmy?
Okay!

We three kings of or-biiiiiiiiip are bearing gifts we`ve traveled real far….

Sorry boys, you have to say Asia now.
What?
Oh, come on just try.
I`ve got to get hyped up for this.

We three kings of Asia are….

That sounds like horse cr-biiiip
Oh lord, okay. How `bout Little Drummer boy?
Nope, that offends short people.
And you can`t say drummer `cause that`ll offend real musicians.

How `bout little –hahaha- town of Bethlehem.
What`s with all the short jokes?

Hey how `bout we do Silent Night?
No, it offends people hard of hearin` and afraid of the dark.
What did he say about a shark?
SHARK?

This happens every year.

Well, it`s a Kung Pao Buckaroo Holiday,
Whatever you do watch what you say,
If you`re easily offended well that`s okay,
It`s a completely non-offensive and politically correct holiday.

Ho! ho! ho!
No.
I can`t say ho?
No, you might offend some... women.
So basically, we can`t sing anything?

I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Softer, George, it`s more effective.
I think thats a bunch of bull biiiip.
Wait just a dar-biip minute...
No, no, no..
You now what? I don`t care who we offend, I`m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Louder, Bill, it`s more effective.
I don`t care who we offend, I`m gonna sing Chri-biip-mas carols if I wanna sing Chri-biip-mas carols.
Me too.

We wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, we wish you a merry Chri-biip-mas, and a happy ne-biip year.

We can`t say new; it`ll offend the old folks.
And you better not offend them.

Us…