Le Machine lyrics

I got a little gal with an appetite,
She`s got me half-scared to go home at night;
I never seen a woman so hard to please.
She got me worn out got me weak in my knees,
I can`t take my rest, she won`t let me sleep,
And she`s made me promise things I can`t keep;

So I went downtown to the novelty shop;
Told the storekeeper want the best he`s got;
He said he keeps the finest line of marital aids,
But they ain`t cheap toys, have I means to pay.
I said I got a Visa and a Mastercard,
At least a thousand dollar trade-in if he`ll take my car.

He took me to the back room and opened the safe,
And off the shelf pulled a red velvet case.
Said `This is only offered to select clientele,
Where you got it you must never tell;
It`s a military secret here and abroad,
And everywhere else it`s against the law`.

`It`s got a microprocessor and eight meg of ram,
A thousand selectable user programs,
And the operating system has biofeeds,
It always knows what your baby needs.
The thrills and excitement that she fantasize
Through virtual reality are realized`.

`It can run automatic, or manual control,
Variate its temperature from hot to cold,
It caresses and manipulates, it tickles and stings
Her erogenous zones - it makes her little bells ring;
And medically proven, and clinically safe,
Its got safety overload features just in case`.

`Its got a eight hundred number, user hotline,
Ain`t no elevator music there to waste your time;
The replacement guarantee is the very best,
You get a new one shipped air freight express;
It simply is the finest model we`ve ever seen
The French women call it `Le Machine``.

I got peace of mind, got contentment and bliss,
I never knew that love could be as easy as this.
I can stay up late now and watch TV,
Or turn in early as the mood suits me;


And my baby loves me for what I`ve done,
She says I`m `the only man allowed to power on