Love For Sale lyrics

Well, I wake up this morning, I rolled out of bed
I felt like a dog who's been kicked in the head
Checked out my mail, there was letter that read
Love for sale, love for sale

I picked up the phone, I called everyone I could
I let my fingers do the walking through the telephone book
You can't catch a fish if you ain't got the hook
Love for sale, love for sale

Send up a signal, throw me a line
Somebody explain "this funny Valentine"
It might not be legal but it sure ain't a crime
I'm one step from crazy and two steps behind

I called Lieutenant Columbo from my TV set
I've tried the Dating Game, I haven't found her yet
I'm hoping that she's looking like a Penthouse Pet
Love for sale, love for sale

We've been living together three years
Two hours, twenty minutes, maybe four hundred beers
You can't shop for love when you're shopping at Sears
Love for sale, love for sale

I guess I've learned my lesson, it was easy to see
My old lady, she played this joke on me
I never looked where I forgot it would be
Love for sale, love for sale