Meanest Man lyrics

If the folks next door to me weren`t so good

I`d do all the mean things anybody could

I`d drink and I`d gamble and I`d louse around

I`d be the meanest man in this whole town



If I hadn`t seen the light in that old lady`s eyes

I`d try to be a man you would hate and despise

I`d rave and I`d rant and I`d scream and yell

And I`d chase my neighbors from here to hell



If I hadn`t heard those kids laugh playing games

I`d have nervous fits, I`d go insane

I`d turpentine cats and tin can dogs

I`d smother people to death inside of hollow logs



If the people around me wasn`t so nice

I`d freeze my heart into a cake of ice

Steal money from soldiers and working folks too

I`d lend you a dollar and take back two



If my wife didn`t kiss me the way she does

I`d carry four or five daggers and three or four guns

I`d shoot craps and ramble and hang out late

I`d steal baby buggies and Cadillac Eights



If my friends didn`t write me those letters I get

I`d be a dictator, the worse one yet

I`d be the only smart bird, you`d all be fools

Send you all away to war and I`d stay home and rule



If it wasn`t for them songs I hear you all sing

I`d put a crown on my dome and I`d say I`m your king

I`d kidnap some and blackmail others

I`d peddle black market stuff and rob sisters and brothers



If it weren`t for your talking I hear on the street

I`d be the orneriest man that you ever did meet

I`d preach the gospel of hate and I`d drink your blood

But I can`t be this bad because my folks are too good

No I can`t be this bad because my folks are too good